More than 80 percent of Alzheimer's caregivers report that they frequently experience high levels of stress, and nearly half say they suffer from depression (click here to learn more about Depression). Many caregivers don't recognize their needs, fail to do anything about them, or simply don't know where to turn for help. Too much stress can be damaging to caregivers and the person with Alzheimer's. Recognizing the signs and learning how to reduce stress can help.

You may experience many emotions during the course of the patient’s illness, emotions that should be recognized as normal, accepted as O.K., and dealt with. As the disease progresses, you may feel helpless, trapped or tied-down by the care the patient needs. You may resent other family members for not helping out or you may resent the illness for cheating you of time you thought would be yours. Likewise, you may feel angry, embarrassed or frustrated by the behavior of the person with Alzheimer’s or by the situation you are in.

Denial is often the earliest and strongest emotion caregivers feel because the more we accept the reality of a progressive, incurable brain disorder, the more we fear for ourselves, our future and our ability to cope. It is easy to overlook someone's symptoms like memory lapses, a gradual loss of reading ability, or inattention to grooming and appearance. Such symptoms can readily be attributed to other causes: "Mom's not feeling well today." "Dad's getting over a cold," "Granddad needs glasses."

Denial becomes a problem when a family's inability to accept the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease jeopardizes the safety of the diagnosed person or others. It is very important that you structure the environment to avoid accidents and ensure safety. Click here to read more about Home Safety. It is unfortunate when it takes an incident like the hospitalization of a person wandering away from home to make family members realize that the situation is more serious than a bout of forgetfulness.

Anger is one of the strongest emotions that caregivers feel. While feeling angry is normal and expected, it is not acceptable to strike another person, even if we feel that we have reached our breaking point. This includes striking out verbally, as well as physically. Harsh words such as, "Why can't you remember?" and, "Why do you keep asking me that; you're driving me crazy," can hurt just as much as physical abuse.

The best way to avoid getting to a breaking point is to learn to find alternative outlets for your feelings.

Share your concerns with others.

If you are feeling isolated and alone, take advantage of those in your life who would be willing to help if they knew what to do. Be clear and specific about your needs. Tell another family member, "I'm feeling overwhelmed. It would help if you could take Mom for one day a week so that I can get a break." Talk to anyone who will listen. Many times, all we need is a chance to verbalize our feelings.

If you do not have a family who can help you, seek out and access other resources. Join a support group and assign other people to do routine tasks. Click here to find a support group in your area. If someone else will clean your house, you can have more time with Dad. This will save your energy and help you to be more patient and kind.

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Unfortunately, the ultimate stress reducer - a cure for Alzheimer's disease - has not yet been discovered. The progression of Alzheimer's disease is inevitable. The care you provide does make a difference. Neither you nor the person with Alzheimer's can control many of the circumstances and behaviors that will occur. Edna L. Ballard, ACSW, Duke University, said, "Our caregiving tasks become easier when we are able to let go of old expectations." One of the hardest things to acknowledge is that the disease has changed the person that we love, but life becomes easier when we stop railing against what is happening and accept the changes caused by the disease.

The following suggestions and services can assist you in providing the best possible care, while maintaining your own health and well-being:

Get a diagnosis as early as possible.

For more information on the symptoms of Alzheimer's and the process of getting a diagnosis, click here to learn more About Alzheimer's. Getting an early diagnosis is very important, as you will increase the person's chance of benefiting from treatment, maximize the time they have left and be able to plan for the future.

Take one day at a time, but prepare for the future.

Your needs and the needs of the person with Alzheimer's will change as the disease progresses. Consult an attorney and discuss issues related to a durable power of attorney, living wills and trusts, future medical care, housing and other key considerations. Planning now will alleviate stress later. If possible and appropriate, involve the person with Alzheimer's and other family members in planning activities and decisions. Click here to learn more about Legal and Financial Planning.

Be realistic about your ability and how much you can do.

Don't try to do it all yourself and don't expect to accomplish all the things you were able to do before you became a caregiver. The support of family, friends and community resources can be an enormous help. If assistance is not offered, ask for it. And if you have difficulty asking for assistance, have someone close to you advocate for you. If stress becomes overwhelming, don't be afraid to seek professional help.

Click here to e-mail the Helpline of the New York City Chapter and click here for a listing of support groups

Know what resources are available.

Find out what resources are available and use them. Let family and friends know when you need help and accept their help when offered. Avoid giving relatives false reassurance about your ability to provide care. If you think other family members aren't helping as much as they could, talk to them frankly. Become familiar with Alzheimer care resources available in your community. Adult day care, in-home assistance, visiting nurses and Meals-on-Wheels are just some of the community services that can help. Click here to find support services.

Become an educated caregiver.

As Alzheimer's disease progresses, different caregiving skills and capabilities are necessary. Click here to go to learn more about Day-to-Day Care.

Click here for a listing of the educational programs offered by the New York City Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association.

Be good to yourself.

Caregivers frequently devote themselves totally to those they care for, and in the process neglect their own needs. Pay attention to yourself. Watch your diet, exercise and get plenty of rest. Use respite services. Click here for a list of respite services that will let you take time off for shopping, a movie or an uninterrupted visit with a friend. Keep your sense of humor and use it often. Allow time for your feelings. Find a friend you can talk to, or attend a support group meeting where you can express your feelings. Click here to get information on support groups in your area.

Manage your level of stress.

Stress can cause physical problems (blurred vision, stomach irritation, high blood pressure) and changes in behavior (irritability, lack of concentration, loss of appetite). Note your symptoms. Use relaxation techniques that work for you and consult a physician.

Be realistic about the abilities of the person with dementia.

Enjoy the past and its old memories but realize that the patient has different needs, abilities and interests now. Your relationship will be different than it was but it can be meaningful and rewarding for both of you. If and when you decide that the care required is beyond what you can provide at home, investigate the available care options. Click here for more information on Finding the Best Care Options.

Forgive yourself if things don't go just right.

There will be times when you feel that what you are doing is not enough, no matter how good a job you do. Be patient with yourself, and remember that you are doing the best you can. Try not to blame yourself for things that you did not know you were mishandling. You are human, and therefore, not perfect.

<Source: 2003 Alzheimer's Disease & Related Disorders Association<

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