By definition, mourning is painful, but it need not be lonely and it need not isolate us from each other. It is paradoxical that we are able to be alone and feel our deepest grief when we are in the presence of others, especially others who are going through the same mourning experience or who have been through it. Religious traditions understand this paradox very well and create rituals to bring families, friends and communities together to mourn and to remember those who have died.

In this spirit, I proposed to Rev. Dr. Martha Jacobs of the Healthcare Chaplaincy that we create a multi-faith Remembrance Service for Alzheimer’s caregivers at the Health- Care Chaplaincy’s Mary and Laurence S. Rockefeller Chapel of Hope and Remembrance. Rev. Jacobs was enthusiastic and gathered a group of clergy for the multi-faith service. In addition to Dr. Jacobs, Rabbi Naomi Kalish and Iman Yusuf H. Husan would lead the service.

On March 28th, to the classical music played by pianist Eric Sommer, the small Chapel of Hope and Remembrance slowly filled to capacity. With Rev. Jacobs officiating and Rabbi Kalish and Iman Husan presenting their reflections on life, death, and Alzheimer’s disease, we caregivers created our own unique space in which we unselfconsciously remembered our parents and spouses who battled Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias. The photos taken by Brian Kim reveal the feelings in the Chapel during the Service more accurately than my words can describe.

Rosemary Bakker, a caregiver at the Service, said it so well: “Being with other caregivers who have traveled the same road and sharing our stories together was heart felt and healing. I hope you do this every year. It brings the community together in a special way.”

Special thanks to the Remembrance Reception Committee: Pat Estess, Susan Caccoppolo and Lorraine Ruggieri and to Peter Brown of the HealthCare Chaplaincy. You each made the Reception following the Service the success it was.

—Wendy Panken
Manager, Support Groups

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