It is the holiday season once again—the time of year where families and friends come together to celebrate many different holidays, filling the days with good food and shared laughter. But for a family caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease, the activity and festivity of the holiday season creates special challenges to overcome.

It is estimated that over 5 million people in the United States are coping with Alzheimer’s disease this holiday season. People living with the disease often feel a special sense of loss and depression during this time of year because of the changes they are going through mentally and physically. They often cannot do the things that they are used to and can become easily frustrated by their limitations. Caregivers can feel overwhelmed by the pressures of the season on top of caring for their relative. Some caregivers even cancel their celebrations or are hesitant to invite friends and family over for fear of not being able to provide the holiday that they believe is expected of them.

This is why it is so important to take steps during the holiday season to minimize disruptions and simplify your celebrations. Planning and cooperation will help increase the chances that persons with dementia (PWD), as well as those who care for them, will have a safe and joyful holiday season.

If the PWD is living in an assisted living facility or nursing home, a change in their environment may cause stress and fear. For many PWD’s, being taken from their familiar surroundings and adding the noise and activity of holiday celebrations is too overwhelming. You can ‘test the waters’ before the holiday season by bringing your relative home for a short visit to see how she, and you, react to the change in situation. If having her home for the holidays is not feasible, see what holiday programs and activities are planned at the residence and plan on attending the festivities there.

If you are providing care at home, there are many things that you can do to make the holidays enjoyable for all. It is helpful to engage the PWD in holiday preparations. This can help prepare her for the holiday and provides an excellent opportunity to spend quality time together. Perhaps she can help you with holiday baking by stirring the batter or rolling the dough. You can also encourage her to assist with simple holiday preparations, such as setting the table or folding napkins. However, do not force the PWD to participate if they do not want to.

During the holiday season, you should take care to stick as closely as possible to your normal routine to minimize confusion and agitation. Instead of the entire family visiting in one big group at the same time, arrange for smaller numbers to visit for shorter periods of time and on different days. Stick to regularly scheduled mealtimes, even if it means the PWD will be eating before the rest of the family. She can still attend the special meal, but making sure that she eats at her normal mealtime reduces the risk of her getting cranky or suffering from hunger later in the day. Also remember that television,meal preparations, and multiple conversations all add to the amount of noise that is normally occurring around the PWD, which can cause her to be confused and disoriented. You should try to keep things as quiet as possible and encourage the PWD to rest in a quiet place whenever possible.

Caregivers need to remember to consider their own needs as well as the needs of the PWD during the holiday season. You need to involve yourself in family traditions and social activities that you enjoy as well. This is an integral part of sustaining your own mental health and inner strength. You cannot have a happy holiday season while neglecting your own needs. Ask your friends and family members that have volunteered to help you during this holiday season to sit with the PWD to give you time to do your holiday shopping, to attend a holiday program, or to do something just for you.

Caregivers also need to remember that they cannot do it all. Simplify the holidays by deciding which activities and traditions are the most important and focus on those. Place more importance on what you will enjoy rather than what you think people are expecting of you. Remember that this is your holiday too! Easy ways to achieve this are to host smaller gatherings, ask others to provide portions of the holiday meal, and use disposable plates and utensils. Believe me, no one will fault you for trying to make things a little easier and less stressful. Most importantly, designate someone to be the official photographer of the event and have them take lots of pictures. You will want to remember the good times and this will also provide something for you and your relative to talk about at a later date.

Quite a lot of caregivers are under extreme stress during the holiday season, and they require help from friends and family. Time to take a bubble bath or attend a movie is welcome assistance that anyone can give. Before visiting, call and ask if there is anything that you could bring or if there is anything that he or she needs. Do not expect the caregiver to entertain you during the visit, because he or she will not have the time. If you cannot visit the caregiver this holiday season, give him or her a call to let them know that someone is thinking of them and is appreciative of the sacrifice that they are making.

Caregivers know that you cannot control the progress of Alzheimer’s disease or protect the PWD from all agitation and distress. But by planning and setting boundaries, most of the stresses of the holiday season can be avoided and the holidays can be a very enjoyable time. If help or direction is needed, one of the best places to turn is the Alzheimer’s Association, New York City Chapter. With many helpful programs and services, including 140 support groups, you can find the information and support to help you manage your role of caregiver.

I would like to wish all caregivers a happy and blessed holiday season, and I would like you to know that there is someone out there who is thinking about you and knows what you are going through. Happy holidays to all!

— By Gerri Gagliardo
Written by Toi Simpkins
Adapted by Jed Levine

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