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Meet Some Very Special People up
Close and Personal
Countering Despair: The Impact of Alzheimer’s Support Groups —
A Personal Reflection and Appreciation
by Ted Comet
“ Preserving my sanity . . . countering aloneness and
despair . . . the only place I can openly express my pain,
loss and anger . . . gaining valuable insights and direction.
”
These responses by members of my Alzheimer’s Spouse
Support Group vividly describe
what we have gained from our
weekly meetings. They movingly
convey both the desperation of
our situation as spouse caregivers
and the great value of the healing
experience provided by the
Alzheimer’s Association, New
York City Chapter.
What makes these sessions so
helpful? First and foremost is the
recognition that no matter how
sympathetic friends may be they
just cannot grasp the full dimension
of the horror of seeing your loved
one decline day by day from active
partner to helplessness, from soul
mate to downward-spiraling childlike
dependency. It is the death of
a marriage, but a death that cannot be mourned through
and integrated.
So the Support Group becomes a family bonded by
pain. As a poetic member of the group phrased it: we
are “a band of the walking wounded.” In this secure and
understanding environment it is easier to share our sorrows,
our upsets, our annoyances, our frustrations. For me it was
the only place where I could cry.
But there are gains beyond ventilation and solace. We are at different stages — I am one of the veterans, having
been in the group for ten years. So there is advice to be
shared, practical suggestions to newcomers, insights into
the future.
What makes the Support Group
so special is that its focus is on the
caregiver and not, as usual, on the ill
spouse. From this derives the message
that we have to take care of ourselves,
not only for our own benefi ts, but
also to remain in condition to be able
to handle the increasingly complex
needs of our spouses. For me this
was critical. The Group worked
on me for two years before I could
permit myself to employ a caregiver.
Doing so made a major change in
my life.
The final element I want to
mention that makes our experience
so rewarding is the outstanding
professional skills of our Group
leader Sharon Shaw. Her capacity
for caring, her sensitivity and her ability to know when to
intervene and how to draw people out are truly remarkable.
She is not only admired, but beloved.
In conclusion I would like to express my Group’s deep
appreciation to the Alzheimer’s Association for going
beyond its research and services for those with Alzheimer’s,
and for recognizing the importance of caring for the
caregiver. The traditional saying is that “to save a life is to
save a world”; to which I want to add “to save the quality
of a life is also to save the quality of a world.”
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