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Dear Friends,
We’d been driving around—lost—for what seemed
like an eternity. My husband wouldn’t ask for
directions. “Why not?” I pleaded. He replied, “I
don’t need help. We’ll be fine.” “Typical man,” I
thought. I finally pulled out my cell phone; mapped
our destination; and within minutes, we were back
on track.
I tell you this story not to embarrass
my husband, but to make an
important parallel with being a
caregiver, especially if you’re a man
who’s reluctant to ask for assistance.
The journey for every Alzheimer’s
caregiver is hard. The road is filled
with unexpected turns, bumps,
detours and dead-ends. It’s easy to
lose your way. Anger, confusion
and feelings of helplessness and
hopelessness are common. It doesn’t
have to be that way. Help is a phone
call away.
While it’s true that most caregivers
we serve are women, increasingly,
we are hearing from more and more
men. Whether they are older men
taking care of their wives, or sons
taking care of their dads, the higher
levels of anxiety, frustration and
embarrassment they experience is
striking — particularly among men
in their 70’s and 80’s.
By and large, men of this generation
were the breadwinners. Their wives
— even if they worked — took
care of the household chores like
cooking, cleaning, laundry, and
shopping. Now, faced with the
frightening reality that their life
partners have dementia, these men
are responsible not only for medical
and care decisions, but for running the household as well, including
chores they’ve probably never done
before. Still, their instinct is to
go it alone. And suddenly, these
strong, independent, proud men are
completely at sea.
In my almost eight years as President
and CEO, the Chapter has seen
tremendous growth in the number
of men who ask for assistance. But
we know this increase pales in
comparison to the tens of thousands
of husbands, sons and other men
who need our help.
As readers of this column, you
can help! If you know a male
caregiver who’s struggling, please
tell him about our services and let
him know it’s okay to share his
problems. Our services are free and
many are off ered in neighborhoods
throughout the City.
To all the male caregivers: Please
take the first step. Call our 24-hour
Helpline anytime day or night
1-800-272-3900. Find a support
group. They are comfortable,
safe places where you’ll be with
people who’ve been in your shoes.
You won’t be the only guy in the
group who’s ruined your wife’s
favorite blouse because you didn’t
separate the colors from the whites.
You won’t be the first to admit
he’s clueless about operating the
dishwasher. Nor will you be alone
in wondering, “How will I ever get
through this?”
I’m reminded of the Beatles’ song,
“Help” … When I was younger, so
much younger than today, I never needed
anybody’s help in any way. But now
these days are gone, I’m not so selfassured
…”
I promise, if you open the doors to
the NYC Chapter of the Alzheimer’s
Association, we will help you “get
your feet back on the ground.” And
we will be with you every step of
this journey.
— Lou-Ellen Barkan
President & CEO
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