Home > Winter 2011-2012 Newsletter |
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Dear Helpline,
My father was diagnosed with vascular dementia in
2007. He is in the mild–moderate stage and requires
assistance with bathing and dressing. I have hired inhome
help but he constantly throws the workers out
of the house. My father refuses to let me or my mother
assist him with his personal care, and honestly, I feel
uncomfortable bathing my father. How can I help him
accept home care?
— Karla H. Dear Karla,
A s parents age, roles often reverse
and adult children may become
the primary caregivers for their
parents. This shift may cause mixed
emotions. Adult children may feel
angry, frustrated, or embarrassed
when put in an unfamiliar situation
with their parent, and their parents
may feel similarly. It’s okay to feel an
array of mixed emotions and turn to
outside sources for assistance.
Getting your father to accept
assistance with personal care may take
some time since transitioning from
being independent to depending
on someone is difficult, especially
for a person with dementia. Also
remember that your father is of a
generation in which men took great
pride in being the provider and did
not easily ask for help. Further, the
home care profession is primarily
staff ed by females and your father
may feel particularly uncomfortable
having a woman assist with his
personal care. It’s important to keep
his comfort in mind so the transition
goes as smoothly as possible for all
involved.
Finding a home care provider who
will best suit your father’s needs
can be time consuming and feel
overwhelming. The Chapter offers
a Home Care Sources booklet which lists home care agencies
that responded to our home care
provider questionnaire. Some
agencies have had their staff attend
our nationally recognized training
in dementia care and some agencies
also have male aides on staff . The
Chapter also has a booklet entitled
“Making Home Care Work for
You,”* which provides information
about various home care options,
as well as ways to enhance the
experience for all involved. This
information may make this transition
easier for your family. Contact our
24-hour Helpline at 800-272-3900
to request either booklet.
Once you hire a worker the next
step will be introducing the home
care worker to your father. While
he might resist, it is important to
remember your father does need help
to remain safe in the community.
Creativity is the key to planning a
successful introduction. You know
your father’s likes and dislikes—
tailor the situation to best fit him.
One suggestion is to appeal to his
interests—does he enjoy painting,
playing cards, watching football? If
he enjoys painting, see if he will paint
with the home care worker. It might
also be helpful to have the home care
worker give your father a gift, such
as cookies or playing cards (which
you provide), as a way of ingratiating
himself.
Managing one’s personal care is a
very private activity and it will take
time for your father and the home
care worker to develop a positive
relationship. Most people feel
vulnerable when being undressed in
front of another person and in these
situations it is best for them to feel
safe and dignifi ed. There are products
which can be worn while bathing
so the person feels more at ease in a
potentially awkward or embarrassing
situation and the Helpline can
provide some options. You can also
visit www.thiscaringhome.org for
information about home safety and
training. In the special equipment
and training section they have a
lesson on how to give a less stressful
bath. Remember, you can always call
the 24-hour Helpline for additional
assistance and support.
*Made possible by a generous grant from Emblem Health.
The 24-hour Helpline is always available to
answer your questions
and help you through
diffi cult times. We can
be reached 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week,
365 days a year at
800-272-3900 or helpline@alznyc.org.
— Stephanie Aragon
Manager, Helpline
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