Home > Winter 2011-2012 Newsletter |
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Joe and Anita Fabiano were looking forward
to retirement and many more years of happily
wedded life, when Anita was officially diagnosed
with Alzheimer’s in 2008. As Anita’s AD
progressed, she had increasing diffi culty remembering
everyday tasks, and was often getting lost. Unemployed
at the time and faced with a demanding schedule of
doctors’ appointments, Joe decided not to continue in
his search for a new job and instead went into early
retirement to become a full-time caregiver for Anita.
With more than 60% of caregivers being women,
Alzheimer’s is often mentioned as a women’s disease.
But male caregivers exist and they are doggedly taking
care of their loved ones, often silently and without help.
More often than not, men who find themselves called
to nurture and care for spouses with dementia have
less support, are less likely to ask for help, and are less
likely to have the kind of socialization that nurturers
need. These men have not only taken up the tasks of
caregiver, but much to their dismay, have also been faced
with adding the traditional women’s roles of cooking,
cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping. Joe is one of
these many male caregivers coming to terms with his
new role.
Soon after Anita’s diagnosis, Joe’s daughter
recommended he reach out to the Alzheimer’s
Association. He joined a support group of fellow
caregivers, including another man. Joe touched on the
differences he sees as a male caregiver in comparison to
his female counterparts. “I can bond with the men more
than I can with the wives because women, I feel, are
more in tune to ‘taking care of others.’ It’s an instinct
women have and it’s all new to men. All of a sudden
you’re the one keeping house and getting the clothes
ready.” Were the roles reversed, Joe thinks Anita would
probably be more sensitive. “She would be more in tune
to the feelings. Anita could write a book on feelings and
I can’t get past the first paragraph.”
Joe has since left the support group as he is not ready
to hear about what others are going through who are
caring for people in the later stages of the disease. “It’s
very hard to accept seeing someone you’re in love with
having these problems,” Joe remarked. Joe and Anita
have recently joined a clinical trial after learning about
it at the Chapter, and are working hard to stay busy
and enjoy themselves in this difficult time. “Anita and I
both love to sing, so we do that with a group and it’s a
wonderful thing.”
Collaborated by:
Hillary Caceres and Heather Truettner
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